Grumble,Rumble,Roar & Thunder: I Thought I Knew When to Fold 'Em

 Well I guess I thought I knew...

Here I am now in  the last vestiages of 2014 just feeling the stirrings of writing or creating but with a clearer understanding of what belies me.

I wrote this little snippet below in January, 2013:


It has been an exceptional long time since I've written much if anything here. I've been in a soul survival mode. Too much to delve in & I have no desire,to go into instant replay.

I am going to leave my hometown for the very last time. There will be no more returning to live. I'm just not "there" any longer. I'll havr to have small vignettes here, but live? I seriously doubt it. In this last 30% of my lifr is, will be mine to enjoy, not fighting what has already past, the memo wasn't delivered. As Thomas Paine once said " To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead".

I got my reasoning back. When all been said & done, there will be more said & done. I just don't want what's been already spoken.

No great brainer, but I am still here... In the year since I wrote the snippet above something happened.  No not with the exterior world, but in my own world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Shucks half the time I don't even understand my journey Lol.

 

Ya Ya,Crawfish & New Dat~ 1 year home.

This is my 1 year anniversary back home in New Orleans. On one hand it seems like time has whizzed by but then on the other hand it seem like it was just yesterday.

I am glad I allowed myself the 1st year to acclimatized & adjust to all the changes since 2005.

How little I knew it was really going to be a course of wisdom to do just that to give a year in adjusting.

I do not regret coming home and truly look forward now to be more of a participant. Without a doubt it has been scary at times. Nothing to do with the city, but all of us being tossed around because of the recession.

If I had to rate the year I would give it a strong B.

Several things that I was bound & intent to care for were done though sometimes with bated breath. I look and pray for in this second year to see some quantum leaps forward, to get myself integrated back into the arts community producing work (and shall I dare?) actually be able to begin providing for myself independently.

What I truly need at this juncture is a modest start-up dollars. All funds are exhausted and because of all the medical issues nothing is coming in. I know it is that way for many, but I am only 1 person and now things are at a critical mass. If I don't do something and do it soon, well the alternatives are unimaginable.

There is always a way out of "no way". I just have to find it. I was to receive an endowment in November & just had the rug pulled out from under me. It is not cancelled just redirected into mid 2011, but that will not help me now.

One good thing is I do not spend money I do not have nor have expectations until it is in hand. Too many times in the past I like many artists have people make offers and then pull out.

Unless I have a retainer or the full amount, I do not put hope in empty offers, so while disappointed I am not devastated.

So on to the next day. And the next and the next.